The Ticket

Today I found out why e-booking is a real boon to the youngsters and the fast-track livers like many of us. (No offense intended to people who enjoy standing in long queues and experiencing the mix bag of “paseene ki badboo”)

I was sitting in my office during the lunch break and suddenly I was reminded that I was about to leave Ahmedabad and I had not booked my tickets. So I decided to check out the availability of the tickets. I also remember that the last time I tried e-booking it did not work as my debit card was not listed on the railway website. But now I had a credit card. So why stand in the long queues. Moreover I have noticed that stink is an integral part of the ticket booking process. Either you have to bear the stink by standing behind a tall guy’s armpits or over a short guy’s oily hair. Anyways I thought why not utilize this opportunity and try e-booking. I worked really well. Apart from the ticket I just had to pay an extra charge of Rs.10. Economical too. Then I thought why not book the ticket for my itinerary from Chennai to Trichy on the tenth of July.

All of a sudden now I was a big fan of the e-booking system. I also started cursing the normal ticket booking system. But then again I thought why not give it a last chance. May be there will be something more joyful about normal ticket purchase. Off I went, to the Gandhigram railway station which was near my office. As soon as I arrived at the station I thought may be I had made a wrong decision earlier.

It was a battlefield. Even after reaching the station people were running towards counter window; some were even without an application form. I am a typical Piscean, undecisive in small matters. So I spent about half a minute thinking which counter to join. The last time I stood in front of a counter for half an hour only to realize that it was not a reservation counter but only an enquiry counter. The instance before that I had waited for an extra half and hour as it was the sahib log’s lunch time. I was expecting some action to take place in the reservation centre which usually happens. (mostly for cutting lines and jumping forward). I was not disappointed as a SLAB had just walked in.

And yes, I hate SLABS. (SLABS stands for scrappy/shitty little aunties and behenjis/ bithches). They have an attitude of the nawabs and rajahs of the bygone era. They think the others are just jobless and simply standing in the queue for passing off time. They just walk into the reservation centre and directly head for the counter. Mostly they will be accompanied by small children and their husbands will be waiting outside the centre hoping that their spouses will do the job. I had studied such SLABS. The have a few standard tricks.
1) Public seduction- They will walk in and state that she had been here before there are some minor changes which she has to make and utmost will take only 2 second. They will also catch the hand the hand of the person while talking so that the man’s attention is strayed but only till she says the golden words “bhaiyaji”. Mostly this works and the man standing in the queue starts boasting about his humanity and helping nature to everyone else in the centre.
2) Exhibiting superiority- For women who are not blessed with beauty there is a second method. These women walk into the counter and just give their ticket to the counter attendant. When questioned they don’t answer and give looks as if it is not necessary to answer to such questions. And no one dares to question her further.
3) Abla nari nautanki- Some women come in and ask they man standing second in the queue to book tickets for her. If the man refuses they start crying or just shout out loudly. Both may result in the man being hospitalized for a few weeks. So the poor guy has to do the job.

So anyways in this station a SLAB just walked in and started arguing with the attendant who rightly refused to make her ticket. And after a ten minute long argument, during which the whole line had been stalled, there was a surprise ending. The woman was thrown out. And as per my “theory of SLABs” her husband was standing outside. It was one of the few moments in life when you could actually see “SATYA MEVA JAYATE”. The woman made a comeback then she came again and argued again. But this time, for a different reason. She said she was cheated as the attendant had paid back only 100 bucks but she thought she had to be given 200 bucks. But this time again we discovered that she was wrong. According to her, 500-400=200.
Conclusion- SLABS may be weak at mathematics.

The action was not over we had a fight in one the most unexpected places- the senior citizen queue. Two uncles started a verbatim with a third person who allegedly cut the line. But the third guy who had a real loud voice started shouting back that he had just gone ahead to check out an information board the railway guys had surprisingly kept inside the counter. The best part was that all the three oldies were holding their chests while shouting. For a moment I thought that someone amongst them might surely die today. The last hurdle before achieving victory in this war was that the guy standing just ahead of me was a travel agent. He had some 9 forms and since he knew the attendant they first started chatting for a few minutes before the attendant started making tickets. That guy alone took 15 minutes.

In the end I realized that I could have made the tickets sitting in my air-conditioned office and spending just 238 bucks. Instead I spent 270 bucks in all and I wasted a good 80 minutes. From now on it’s a total no for railway reservation centers.
“LONG LIVE E-TICKETING”